Seriously? Who thought of these? Accoutrements, that’s who, but that doesn’t answer the “why?” question. Accoutrements have been around for twenty-five years making weird and wonderful products from novelty toys to Yodelling Pickles, Absinthe Lip Balm, and Coconut Monkey Mints to name but a few. They pride themselves on being as bizarre and interesting as possible through desperation not to bore their customers. They have a variety of bacon products ranging from Bacon Bandages to these Bacon Gumballs. I have to admire Accoutrements’ brave (or foolish) originality, but it doesn’t make me feel better about trying these crazy sounding gumballs.
Okay, there are apparently twenty-two of these gumballs in the smart red tin box. Ripping off the outer wrapper I was hit immediately by an overpowering salty bacon smell. That smell was before I even opened the tin box. Twenty-two gumballs! I was seriously wondering if I could eat one, let alone twenty-odd. Opening the box the salty bacon smell instantly made my hair curl. Partly because it proudly stated on the front of the metal box that there were twenty-two gumballs inside and partly because I was avoiding trying one of these rounded pink sweets for as long as possible, I counted them! Hah! There were twenty-three! I can only think that Accoutrements were being either over generous or just plain trying to get rid of these gumballs. I took a deep breath and popped one in my mouth. Urrrgh…. is the only way to describe the taste. The salty smell is replaced at first by a sweet taste, as I chewed for a few moments it started to taste like a blunted smoky bacon flavour. A smell like an old man’s boiler room assaulted my senses. It reminded me of the steam fair in the city park that I drag Cinabar to every summer, where old traction engines and vintage cars congregate amongst brick-a-brac stalls and rickety fairground rides. I chewed this gumball for a good ten minutes and the strange rounded smoky bacon taste just wouldn’t budge. I tried to blow a bacon bubble, but couldn’t seem to manage one. I never thought I’d actually write a sentence that included “I tried to blow a bacon bubble”. I can honestly say it’s one of the weirdest, most original, horrid, yet fascinating things I’ve ever tasted. I shared a couple around and got the same sort of “Urrgh!” response. Not sure what to do with the rest? Stinky bacon marbles anyone? Now there’s another sentence I never thought I’d write!