Saturday, 11 December 2010

Bacon Gumballs [By Spectre] (CyberCandy)



Seriously? Who thought of these? Accoutrements, that’s who, but that doesn’t answer the “why?” question. Accoutrements have been around for twenty-five years making weird and wonderful products from novelty toys to Yodelling Pickles, Absinthe Lip Balm, and Coconut Monkey Mints to name but a few. They pride themselves on being as bizarre and interesting as possible through desperation not to bore their customers. They have a variety of bacon products ranging from Bacon Bandages to these Bacon Gumballs. I have to admire Accoutrements’ brave (or foolish) originality, but it doesn’t make me feel better about trying these crazy sounding gumballs.

Okay, there are apparently twenty-two of these gumballs in the smart red tin box. Ripping off the outer wrapper I was hit immediately by an overpowering salty bacon smell. That smell was before I even opened the tin box. Twenty-two gumballs! I was seriously wondering if I could eat one, let alone twenty-odd. Opening the box the salty bacon smell instantly made my hair curl. Partly because it proudly stated on the front of the metal box that there were twenty-two gumballs inside and partly because I was avoiding trying one of these rounded pink sweets for as long as possible, I counted them! Hah! There were twenty-three! I can only think that Accoutrements were being either over generous or just plain trying to get rid of these gumballs. I took a deep breath and popped one in my mouth. Urrrgh…. is the only way to describe the taste. The salty smell is replaced at first by a sweet taste, as I chewed for a few moments it started to taste like a blunted smoky bacon flavour. A smell like an old man’s boiler room assaulted my senses. It reminded me of the steam fair in the city park that I drag Cinabar to every summer, where old traction engines and vintage cars congregate amongst brick-a-brac stalls and rickety fairground rides. I chewed this gumball for a good ten minutes and the strange rounded smoky bacon taste just wouldn’t budge. I tried to blow a bacon bubble, but couldn’t seem to manage one. I never thought I’d actually write a sentence that included “I tried to blow a bacon bubble”. I can honestly say it’s one of the weirdest, most original, horrid, yet fascinating things I’ve ever tasted. I shared a couple around and got the same sort of “Urrgh!” response. Not sure what to do with the rest? Stinky bacon marbles anyone? Now there’s another sentence I never thought I’d write!
By Spectre

2 comments:

Anne said...

Now bacon and chocoltae works quite nicely. Have tried and found it quite pleasing. But bacon flavoursed chewing gum.... No, just no! That sounds wrong! Am very sorry you had to suffer this in the name of research! Was a funny read though. ;-)

cinabar said...

I have to say I wasn't keen enough on bacon chocolate to want to buy another bar - but I was at least brave enough to try it, and it wasn't that bad.
When Spectre bought these bacon chewing gums home I just couldn't even face trying one - they smelt awful, like they were smoky and burnt. Ick!