27 February 2010

Bacchus Belgian Cherry Beer {via Spectre} (Sainsbury's)

Okay, it’s official. Cinabar’s trying to kill me… Not in a decent womanly exercise type fashion, but with weird flavoured beer! She bought me this bottle back from a local store all wrapped up in posh paper. An instant strange almost lunatic idea crossed my mind once handed it that this was just a heavy liquid enveloped by a particularly tough water resistant paper. Then I became slightly concerned that this could be the messiest drinks container I’ve ever opened…

Now it’s no secret that women like chocolate, especially in cake form, and I’ve never met a woman who didn’t like a decent Black Forest Gateaux. What’s the most significant ingredient in any Black Forest Gateaux? Okay, okay… Chocolate! What’s the next? It has to be cherries. It’s official, dump all dating manuals now. If you want a girl to kiss you; the best thing to taste of is Black Forest Gateaux. Not necessarily beer, and there’s no chocolate in this, though cherry beer may help move things along a bit. The most unfortunate thing is that I hate cherries. No, really… HATE THEM! I don’t like anything that tastes like real cherries, artificial cherries or has had cherries passed by it at a considerable distance in some previous life. I’ve even been known to pick cherries out of fruit cake until I got bored and just munched the slab with a face like a smacked arse. With this in mind, the disastrous Banana Beer incident, as well as the vain hope of a good snog after drinking, I apprehensively pulled at the paper. I was slightly disappointed to find the usual glass bottle inside. Oh, well. When will they put beer in something different? Like a ready filled tankard or throwaway beer-hat? And what no label? The liquid smelt of cherries. It tasted of cherries. It was even red like cherries to really stick the boot in. This is like some grown up version of Cherry Coke, tasting of a rich beery morello wine instead of some morbid excuse to spruce up an otherwise boring Cola. If you guzzle lots of this you’ll still lose all your teeth and get fat, but at least you’ll be really dizzy. Sadly you probably won’t notice if someone kisses you. Fortunately I downed the bottle whilst holding my nose to dull the taste, and guess what? I did get quite dizzy, but mainly from lack of oxygen, and a kiss just waiting for me after my gulp of hell.

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