13 February 2010

Wells Banana Bread Beer (Morrison’s) [via Spectre]

Introducing Spectre's first post on this blog...

I am very enthusiastic about trying new and interesting beers and I’ve literally asked Cinabar to let me write a blog on beer on maybe one occasion. I can’t remember when that was, but she made me do it! Okay... Bananas!! After extremely long debates with varying people (brief moan at Cinabar), I seem to be in a minority: Bananas ruin everything. Don’t get me wrong, I like bananas... no really. Give me a real banana (to eat) and I’m happy, but mix it with something or cook it and it tastes rank. Banana ice cream is okay. Banana milkshakes are bearable. But Banoffee pie is horrid. Barbecued chocolate banana surprise (don’t ask) was just revolting. And what smoothie in history hasn’t been violated with the pungent taste of mashed, crushed and regurgitated banana. I even had a cup of tea ruined in a coffee shop (I won’t mention the shop... okay, I will: Cafe Nero) when they put banana flavoured milk in the mug by mistake! Bastards...
Rant over... We were in a new Morrison’s the other day browsing through the beer section, when Cinabar picked up this bottle for me to try. I said no, of course. Then some banana beer salesman in a Morrison’s uniform came up to me and said I should try it as it tastes so good. I didn’t believe him. He disappeared and then he came back with another similarly dressed banana beer salesman who said in a long drawn out speech how much he liked the beer and how he was going to get some more on leaving work. We bought some.
Cinabar seems to talk about the packaging first in these reviews. It’s in a bottle. Moving on. I’ve naturally avoided drinking this for a couple of days. I even had a beer before it to get in the mood. Perhaps I should have had ten. On opening the bottle with the “devil’s bottle opener”, it will hence forward be named... I could instantly smell the one thing I dreaded: Bananas. Like the previously mentioned tea debacle; the more you drink, the more you smell bananas, the more you taste bananas. It’s like a morbid vicious circle. After the mad sales pitch, the forlorn hope that something with bananas in it would taste good for a change, this product did not do it for me. But, let’s face it... I’m in a minority aren’t I? If you like banana violated smoothies, sticky banana pies and even a badly charred banana wrapped in tin foil with a wasted Cadbury’s flake shoved unceremoniously inside it, the chances are you’ll like this banana abused beverage. If you like beer and you like bananas, by all means go for it. If not and you’re offered it at a friend’s party, drink everything you can get your hands on first before you do. Otherwise, watch out for banana beer salesmen dressed in Morrison’s uniforms. They lie.


  1. Artificial Banana and real banana are not the same flavour. Cola sweets and actual Cola never taste the same but not quite to the same degree.

    Any other examples?

    Does this make you the site's official alcoholic beverage reviewer? :)

  2. Big fan of strawberry ice cream... not so keen on strawberries and cream.

    LOL! I don't know about doing a fairly regular beverage blog. I guess it depends on how popular it is, and how much Cinabar can convince me to do more... and I don't mean with monetary rewards! :-P

  3. Watermelon candy tastes nothing like a lovely ripe watermelon. NOTHING. And the scent is disgusting. The Calvin Klein perfume "Escape" smells WAY too much like fake watermelon. Shudder.

  4. ... as a fan of both bananas and beer--let me reassure you. This looks objectively revolting.

  5. Cristiane - it seems often the case that different flavoured sweets never taste the same as their fruit substitutes. Seems a shame the manufacturers can't get it right.

    Perry - I assure you. It was revolting. Give it a go... Dare you! LOL :-)


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