20 November 2012

Moustache Elixir (@MovemberUK @CyberCandyLTD) [By @SpectreUK]

There was an old fashioned feel from the label on the 250ml can, harkening back to the old days when you could buy an elixir for any ailment or desire. Clearly the desire from this elixir would be to grow a fabulous moustache, and what better time to drink it but Movember? The time of year that harkens back to a time where men were men because they had strange furry growths under their noses. I’ve decided to partake in that particular growing festival this year by trying to grow the porn star moustache. I’m also growing my hair a little longer than usual to support the seventies/eighties look. I have already been likened to “the fat one out of Ashes to Ashes”, but hey what’s a little facial tickling and loss of kisses from Cinabar to the great cause of raising money for research against every man’s fears of testicular cancer and prostate cancer? Already two members from the group I joined have given up the fight! Shame, however I shall endeavour to grow my moustache to the end of the month, but certainly not beyond, as Cinabar has warned me that she won’t give me the sponsorship money unless I shave it off on December 1st.

There was a note on the side of the can that stated in no uncertain terms; “product not intended for children” asides big ones, like most men, I suppose? This Moustache Elixir was produced by Boston America Corporation, in Massachusetts. The elixir was 110 calories, with 0g of fat and 28g of sugar, with 70% vitamin B6 and 210% vitamin B12. I was at first concerned as to what affect this Elixir would have on me, as the ingredients sounded like they had been concocted by mad scientists in a laboratory deep underground somewhere out in a desert. I’ve probably seen too many horror films with weird brews changing people into half crazed monsters, especially the hairy variety of monster. Those crazy scientist’s beverages are usually blue or green in colour. The ingredients of this drink included carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, sodium citrate, taurine, natural flavours, caffeine, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate, inositol, guarana extract, ginseng extract, niacinamide, FD&C, blue number 1, d-calcium, pantothenate, red number 40, pyrodoxine HCL, and cyanocobalamin. This Moustache Elixir was a fizzy bright blue liquid. No scientist’s crazy steam drifted ominously from the opening in the top of the can, but there were quite a few blue bubbles. After a little hesitation and trying to ply it on Cinabar, who was far too concerned about growing facial hair to try it, I decided to take the plunge and have a sip. This fizzy blue drink had a decent full bodied raspberry flavour and was very tasty and not a bit laboratory flavoured. Whether this elixir has given my moustache revitalised energy to grow more, I don’t know if it’ll help, but as you can see from the photograph I could do with all the growing help I can muster. From the mad scientist’s laboratory sounding ingredients, it may just leave my furry friend glowing in the dark... and my moustache might glow in the dark too!
By Spectre

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